I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
