If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
