Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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