He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
