Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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