he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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