Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
