guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
