i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
