People in love make me want to vomit
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
