his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
