Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
