i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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