she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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