I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
