you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
