alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
