Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
