Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
