I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
