When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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