Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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