I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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