The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
