I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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