I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
