There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
