MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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