I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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