I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
