i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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