i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
