There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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