i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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