I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
