Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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