no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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