I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
