Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
