i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
