I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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