I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
