apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
