So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
