My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
