They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
