I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
