What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
