We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
