It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
