dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
