i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
