How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
