You made me cry and you don't even care
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
