It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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