He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize