You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize