he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
