I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
