Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
