We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
