Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i drank out of a bidet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize